So this is what it feels like
to be an imposter in the limelight,
taking credit for a red leg
without even having to beg!
Stasis dermatitis isn’t “sexy” I know,
it doesn’t make you go “whoa,”
but popularity never did guarantee success,
that’s why I’m here to clean up this mess.
“Admit to medicine for bilateral cellulitis…”
is the ED’s go-to anchoring bias
that created my -itis identity crisis,
I’m a wannabe “pseudocellulitis.”
My claim to fame is that I’m an imitator
I, too, cause dolor, tumor, calor, and rubor,
but IV Vancomycin won’t make me better
(cue a boring compression stocking lecture).
Normally I wouldn’t put up such a fuss,
a mistaken identity isn’t such a bust,
after all, it’s hard to compete with pus,
and avoiding TED hose is a plus.
But causing unnecessary admissions
and facilitating C. Diff transmission
isn’t exactly the legacy I envisioned,
so I’m calling out this imprecision.
For the next rash billed as “cellulitis,”
don’t be basic and order antibiotics.
Examine and take a careful history
to avoid a case of mistaken identity.
I’m critical, I know, I’m sorry
It’s hard being lumped in the “other” category,
I hope my words aren’t inflammatory
to overshadow the lesson of this story.
It’s really quite simple, I’ll repeat:
a bilateral cellulitis is a rare feat,
so think what else it could be
and maybe, you’ll spot me.