how to lose a fungus in 10 days

The boys who like to play
know the right thing to say.
They’re a fast-growing fungus,
opportunistic with no compass.

Let me be candida with you,
he gave me such a rush,
but he’s worse than thrush,
am I oversharing much?

Tongue-tied, I was unwise,
got caught up in white lies
and cheesy pick-up lines,
there were so many signs.

Wearing hipster jeans so tight,
playing basketball every night,
almost like he wants a dermatophyte –
another jock itching for the spotlight.

Could never find my foothold,
he’s indecisive, hot and cold,
today a yeast, tomorrow a mold,
guess he was my fool’s gold.

Between us is so much friction,
it rivals interdigital maceration.
He plays mind games
like KOH lyses squames.

I knew he couldn’t take the heat,
and I didn’t want to be obsolete,
so I devised a plan hard to beat:
I’d be the azole to his yeast.

He thought he was the itch,
but now it’s my turn to pitch.
See I played him, too,
and he didn’t have a clue.

I threw a curve ball
and caught his foul ball,
all is fair in love and war
(but I’m not keeping spore).

Lucky he’s only in the epidermis,
because I just scratched the surface.
I’m too smart to let him win
and ever get under my skin.

I know he’s rolling his eyes
at my puns about fungi,
thinks he dodged a nerd,
but I always get the last word.


–last updated on 11/26/18–

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