top(ical) steroid

The Dermatoses were looking for a car
that could shuttle their family of four,
maybe a van with a potent engine,
nothing fancy, just a good bargain.

“I’ve got what you’re looking for,”
beamed a salesman at the door.
“Come into Top Steroid Vehicles,
the prices here are unbeatable.”

He handed the kids matching balloons
and ushered them into the showroom.
“You’re lucky to have such good timing,
our biggest sale yet is nearly ending!”

Before the Dermatoses could explain
that they just wanted something plain,
the salesman rolled quick into his pitch
before they could say, “we’re not rich!”

“Front and center is the slickest of all,
Ointment-illac’s engine will never stall,
its leather interior might get greasy,
but nothing else drives quite so easy.

Over here, Cream-rover is a catch,
its thick paint will hide any scratch
and when the cold weather rolls in,
it’ll feel like you’re in another skin.

Of course appearances matter, too
and Lotion-uru comes in many hues,
the matte finish is its claim to fame,
but it’s engine is, eh, kind of lame.”

The Dermatoses were now confused
and wondered, which one to choose?
The chatty salesman sensed this, too,
and again offered his point of view.

“I see you eyeing the Ointment-illac,
can’t lie, it’s the cream of the crop,
best we have in this whole shop,
just for you, its price, I’ll drop.

I have an Ointment-illac class 7, brand new,
cheaper than a Cream-rover, it’s true!
But only for today will this price be good,
tomorrow you’ll need to knock on wood.”

Mr. Dermatosis was about to say yes,
but Mrs. Dermatosis wasn’t impressed.
“If it’s too good to be true, it usually is,
I know how it all works in this biz.”

“You see,” she started out, rather badass,
“potency depends on vehicle, but also class!
A class 7 Ointment-illac doesn’t compare
to a class 1 Cream-rover engine over there.

My skin is thick, but my skull is not,
I guess medical school paid off.”
At that the salesman sighed in defeat,
shrugging, he said, “you got me beat.”

Mr. Dermatosis nearly grew an abscess
thinking about this mess of a near miss,
but Mrs. Dermatosis came to the rescue,
and as per usual, they all sighed, “phew.”

–last updated on 6/25/18–

 

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